Without you, I am not whole
by FanHighJinx
Summary: Elena has finally declared her love for Damon but somethings don't change. To save themselves from heartache, Damon makes the ultimate sacrifice, losing his sense of humanity and ultimately the woman he loves


Elena refused to meet his gaze, afraid that he might see something through her eyes that might betray what she truly feels. Instead, like a coward she was, she stared to the ground, hoping that he understood that nothing would come out of this.

"Elena?" Damon questioned, trying his hardest to understand what was happening. How is this happening? Didn't they think this was going to work? All the weeks, the months – all coming to an end, at this moment? Was love ever a part of the equation when it came to them?

"Please just go," she whispered, her heart breaking as she spoke every word. She looked up to his face, meeting his blue eyes. Those eyes would haunt her for the rest of her life she knew. Her eyes filled but she shed no tears. She refused to allow herself to be that vulnerable. Damon means nothing to me - she repeated to herself, convincing herself that the more she said it, the more of it would be true. Perhaps making him hate her for doing this to him, to them, would be easier.

Damon stood, hearing but not necessarily listening, confused by her unshed tears trying to decipher the words that were unsaid.

He took a step forward, hesitant at first sensing for a reaction. Amazingly, Elena stood her ground, she didn't back a step. Damon closed the gap between them in less than three strides, his hands reaching up to her face, his lips finding for hers. As their lips fused, Elena's composure broke and tears flowed freely from her eyes. Damon backed her against the dresser, trapping her body in between. Every inch of his body leaned against her and the beating of her heart so close to him sent a heady rhythm in his head. Her hands grasped at his face, her fingers tangling themselves in his dark locks. Damon angled his arms to Elena's back, enveloping her in his strength. His lips sought entry and Elena welcomed him. Tongues mated, arms holding on to each other like life itself depended on their closeness. Energy flowed between them, each giving and taking from the other. At last, they parted, their breaths unsteady. Damon was beside himself and he did what came natural to him and held Elena close. If took him awhile to realize that Elena was sobbing, her tears wetting the front of his black shirt.

Finally, it dawned to him that he had to do something to grasp the situation before it became unbearable to them, and him. Losing his heart was not what he had planned but with Elena, things never went according to plan. He needed a plan - His dark side was torturing his soul otherwise. And he would never allow himself to be vulnerable than he already is, especially with her.

He suddenly didn't want Elena to walk away with the feelings that they shared. Let the memories of them both be his and no one else. Not even her. They will only be his to remember, to cherish and to treasure. Erasing their memories in her mind was the only way for love to be buried and for hate to grow. To protect her, he will have to sacrifice the humanity in himself. It was easier to lock his heart and move away. He felt sicken with grief and anger and hate all at once - grief and anger that Elena, finally confessing her love has now decidedly not to love him anymore and hating himself for what he was about to do.

He moved away an inch to peer to Elena's face, her tears falling freely onto her cheeks. He untangled his arms away and moved his hands to her face, lifting and met her gaze. If he had a heart, he sincerely believed that it was breaking right at this instant.

He laughed unconvincingly. How ironic was it that people could die from a broken heart and here he was, still alive, doomed to live forever with one?

"If I had a heart Elena, know that you have broken it."

With that, he kissed her forehead, gently. With his hands still cupping her face, he wiped her tears with his thumb. Damon made up his mind. His eyes narrowed to hers and Elena understood what he intended to do and tried to wretch her face free from his hands

"No!" She grasped his hands away from her face, inching away from Damon, "Don't!"

His hands held her in place and Elena desperately closed her eyes horrified. Elena's body tensed. She knew right there and then, as he was locking his steel blue eyes to hers, she knew he was going to erase every single memory they had shared together. It wasn't fair, she reasoned frantically, how could he do this – their memories are for her as well!

She clawed at his face, pushing his chest, beating his arms. Her body trembled as her fists balled tightly and with closed eyes, she began to hit Damon as hard as she can to get him to stop.

"Damon!" she screamed.

Damon was unrelenting and held his ground. The look of determination was etched on his handsome face. He wrapped his left arm around her steadying her against him. Elena felt her energy depleted as he held her in his bruising strength.

"Please don't do this to me. Please don't! Damon!" She pleaded. Her breathing came in shallow gasps.

Damon stroked her temple with his free hand and traced the contours of her face, as if memorizing her face for the last time. "Don't you see, Elena, I'm saving us from further grief and misery. You will hate me and I will begin to bury the love that we have shared. It is a win-win for the both of us."

"But what you are doing is wrong, don't make me forget, please don't…"

With those words, Damon traced the silver chain around Elena's neck, at the vervain necklace he had given her as a replacement for the one she had earlier lost. The vervain was the only guarantee that what they shared in those precious few weeks, months were real. It was the Elena that he had loved and will always love.

Damon wrapped his hand onto the pendant filled with vervain and watched it sizzled into his skin as if branding him. Elena's eyes snapped open. He jerked at the fragile chain quickly and in his haste, dropped the chain onto the floor. The pendant was still in his hand and he turned to place it on Elena's dresser behind her.

The sizzle in his skin begins to dissipate and Elena looked at his hands, her eyebrows feigned in concern. As if to reassure her that he was alright, he lifted his hand to show her he had healed. With the same hand, he cupped at her cheek. Elena became acutely aware that he still intended to compel her and shut her eyes immediately.

"Love, open your eyes." Damon asked gently, "Everything will be okay. I just need you to understand and trust me."

Elena's tears continually flowed but she still refused to open her eyes.

"Elena, please." Damon pleaded. He sounded worried and helpless, his voice tinged with pain. Elena cannot help thinking that she was the cause of his pain and immediately opened her eyes, giving him a glorious view of her hazel eyes. As soon as she did, Damon locked his gaze onto hers.

"Know that I love you, I have and I'll always will. But this between us will not stand the test of time. It is better that I keep these memories to myself as fuel to my soul in hope, that in the end, it will be the saving grace to my humanity. I take these away from you because I love you and it's because of that reason is why I can't be selfish with you." Damon paused, stroking Elena's cheek. A single tear fell from his eye.

"I love you" Elena said brokenly, her eyes unblinking.

"I know, baby. I love you too" Damon kissed her gently on her lips. "But now, you will hate me"

"NO!" Elena whispered and closed her eyes.

Elena blinked. Once, Twice.

She felt a chill creeping up her arms and turned to her window. A gentle breeze blew in. As she took a step towards the window, she stepped onto something. She looked down and perplexed picked up a broken chain. She instinctive touched her throat and knew that chain was supposed to be around her neck. Elena casually placed her broken chain onto her dresser, suddenly well aware that her vervain pendant was there as well.


End file.
